The Fourth Judge Doesn’t Feel Sorry for Vin Baker

A few weeks ago I read a story about Vin Baker, notorious NBA drunkard — not that I’m judging — reportedly losing $86 million in bad investments.

On the one hand I feel bad for the guy. $86 million is a lot of loot to flush down the toilet. But on the other hand, the hand that knows its ass from its elbow, what the fuck was he doing investing $86 million? You invest money so you can GET $86 million. Once you have $86 million you stop what you’re doing and you buy a bunch of coke and an island and a whole mess of shallots (they make everything more delicious). If there’s enough money left over you send your kids to Rutgers.

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Chisora and Haye Brawl At Press Conference, Vitali Giggles

by Trey Pollard

German police have arrested British heavyweight Dereck Chisora and are searching for his countryman, former heavyweight champ David Haye, after the two clashed at a bloody press conference following Chisora’s bout with Vitali Klitschko in Munich on Saturday night.

Haye slammed a bottle across Chisora’s face and wielded a camera tripod as a weapon during the melee, which left Chisora and Haye’s manager Adam Booth bleeding from the head, saw Chisora shouting death threats at Haye, and threw the British Heavyweight division into crisis.

That’s not the lede most would have expected after Chisora gave Klitschko his toughest test in a decade during a 12-round points loss. But after Chisora’s extra-curriculars pushed this fight weekend to the brink of chaotic instability, it’s not a huge surprise.

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Vitali Klitschko Backpedals to Decision over Chisora

Vitali Klitschko receives a slap from Dereck Chisora at yesterday’s weigh-in

by Trey Pollard

It makes sense that Vitali Klitschko wants to run for office, because he fights like a politician. He’s never flashy, but mechanical; never spontaneous, but methodical; never bold or creative, but measured. He is risk averse, picks battles he’s favored to win, and responds when challenged with stoic control and discipline, plodding forward like an assembly line.

There’s a reason those milquetoast characteristics are so favored by politicians and by Klitschko (44-2): they work. By being again – quite frankly – boring but effective, Klitschko managed to win a steadfast decision Saturday afternoon over his aggressive but unpolished opponent, Dereck Chisora (15-3).

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Diego Sanchez vs. Jake Ellenberger

Two fights in a row where the fighters tested positive for reefer.  Diego seems batshit insane.  He just keeps coming forward.  The best illustration of this was the Kampmann fight, where he must have eaten a hundred crisp jabs, but still got the decision (I still think he should have lost). Diego comes from the Leonard Garcia school of coming forward and throwing haymakers, although, he moves a lot faster than Leonard Garcia.

Ellenberger is absolutely enormous.  I’d love to know what weight he goes into the cage at.  He’s coming off of a huge victory where he almost punched Jake Shields’ head off.  Jake Shields, who stayed awake after Dan Henderson hit him with everything he had at middleweight.  People say it’s harder to knock a guy out when he doesn’t cut any weight, and that is as close to scientific proof as I have ever seen, besides Frankie Edgar’s insane ability to take a punch. Guys who cut weight come into the ring bigger and stronger though, so if they can avoid getting hit, they pack a wallop.  Ellenberger hasn’t lost since a close decision to Carlos Condit in his UFC debut. Talk about a tough intro to the organization.

Round 1- Ellenberger comes in swinging and the crowd is behind him, since he is a local guy.  Jake lands a big right.  First good punch of the fight.  Jake comes in with an uppercut and misses.  Diego is keeping his hands up when he needs to and defending nicely.  Jake lands a nice knee when Sanchez comes in and Diego checks to see if he is cut.  Can’t tell from this standard definition bullshit .  Diego comes in swinging and lands.  Diego lands a right and Ellenberger ties him up and lands a knee in the clinch.  Diego is breathing hard, comes in and eats a huge right hook.  Sanchez shoots and Ellengerger backs him up against the fence and lands another right.  Diego comes flying in face first and eats another straight right as the round ends.  

10-9 Ellenberger.  Diego’s nose is broken.  He’s helping Jake out by walking straight into his punches.  Took about two minutes before Diego gave up on putting his hands up.  Jake is looking great so far, but Diego doesn’t stop coming.  

Round 2- Jake with a leg kick.  Jake misses a front kick.  Jake dashes forward, but is unable to tie Diego up.  Jake throws a kick, which is blocked.  Diego throws a kick of his own, which was checked.  Diego rushes in and eats a left.  Diego misses a spinning back kick.  Ellenberger lands another left hook.  Diego comes in and misses.  Ellenberger lands again with the left.  Diego’s face looks like shit.  Jake landing two left jabs.  Diego is getting picked apart.  Jake lands a right.  Heads clash, fighters seem unbothered.  Diego rushes in and lands a right.  Jake lands a left jab.  diego rushes in and Jake shoots lands a takedown and is in Diego’s guard with a minute to work.  Ellenberger working nice combinations to the head and body.  Diego is throwing up the legs, but hasn’t landed anything.  Ellenberger just landed two ridiculous right elbows.  Both landed perfectly.  Diego is bleeding terribly.  His face might be more fucked up than when he fought Kampmann.  

10-9 Jake.

Round 3- Jake lands another left.  Diego is being outboxed.  diego needs to turn up the offense.  Jake throws a kick and Diego counters.  Ellenberger with the jab.  Diego shoots in, but Jake shakes him off.  Jake lands a kick and then a left to the head.  Diego looks fucked up. Diego comes in and eats another jab.  Diego walks into another jab.  Face first.  I don’t know what he’s doing running in like that without throwing any punches.  Diego lands a shot, but Jake is able to shoot while he regains his composure.  Diego comes in and Ellenberger lands another knee.  Jake is bleeding from the nose now, but it might be Diego’s blood.  Diego lands a nice left.  Jake needs to get this to the ground before he takes any more damage and he does.  Diego looks at the coock and fights to his feet.  Ellenberger falls in the scramble and diego takes his back and lands a flurry of punches.  Jake is working to get up and Diego is landing a ton of shots.  Ref is rightly letting him go because if he can last another thirty seconds he’ll win the fight.  Diego has him fully mounted and is landing shot after shot.  Jake gets out and swings for the fences as the round ends. 

10-9 Diego.

Great fight.  Fight of the night for sure. 

29-28 Ellenberger.  No doubt about it.  All the judges agree. 

Great win for the hometown hero.  Good finish for Diego.  He really doesn’t fuck around. The cut on the bridge of Jake’s nose looks ghastly. 

Jake is in the hunt for the title.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they got him in against Condit if St. Pierre has a setback.  Either that or they’ll give him a lesser opponent while he waits for Nick Diaz to get back from whatever ridiculously long suspension the Vegas athletic commission gives him.

Diego thanks the lord Jesus Christ for getting him back in the cage.  Diego’s nose also looks ghastly, although broken horribly rather than cut horribly in Jake’s case.  Great free fights from the UFC.  Thanks Dana.

Stefan Struve vs. Dave Herman

Dave Herman hasn’t fought in a while because he had marijuana metabolites detected in his system prior to his last fight with Mike Russow. He is looking hairy as fuck, which might provide an advantage for his lanky opponent who will have additional traction for his submissions. 

Round 1- Herman is the aggressor so far.  Struve throws a kick, but misses.  A lot more defense than the previous heavyweight fight.  Struve is way bigger than Herman.  Herman is throwing leg kicks and landing.  Struve throws a bomb, but misses.  Struve eats a big right from the smaller man.  Herman is looking sharp in the striking so far.  Struve throws a right which might have only caught beard.  Herman throws a jump kick.  Looks like Struve landed a straight right.  Herman throws a right, which is blocked.  Struve looks tentative.  Herman lands another leg kick.  Fighters exchange again.  Herman catches a leg and lands a punch. 

10-9 Herman.  They didn’t cut to commercial after the first round, which is nice. 

Round 2- Herman with a punch and leg kick combination.  Struve ties him up and gets the takedown into the full mount.  Herman gets Struve up on his back and sneaks out.  Impressive.  Herman looks tired.  Struve landed a nice right kick to the body.  Herman landed a nice three punch combo to the head.  Struve throws a big left hook, but it is blocked.  Struve is getting more aggressive now.  Struve lands a nice combination there as Herman backs off.  Herman is cut under his left eye.  Struve lands another right.  Struve lands a nice uppercut and Struve has a full mount and Herman is holding on for dear life as Struve lands punch after punch from the top position.  Rosenthal ends it as Herman seems to protest. 

Looks like the combination that ook him down was a punch, leg kick uppercut combination, at which point Struve made a quick move to mount and finished the fight. 

Stefan Struve by TKO.  If you ain’t Dutch, you ain’t much. 

Jonathan Brookins vs. Vagner Rocha

Round 1- Vagner lands a right, throws a kick and Brookins catches it lands a shot.  Brookins looks way bigger and lands a leg kick.  Brookins is blocking nicely.  Vagner catches a kick and goes for the takedown, but Brookins shoves him to the ground and lands a flurry and knocks him out with a bunch of rights. 

Jonathan Brookins by KO at 1:32. Nice to see Fuel mix in an exciting undercard fight. 

Aaron Simpson vs. Ronny Markes

Round 1- Markes lands a leg kick and throws a flurry of punches and lands a right.  Goes for the takedown against the fence. Fighters clinch for a minute or so and the ref breaks them up.  Fighters exchange leg kicks.  Fighters exchange, and Markes gets the best of it.  Simpson throws a nice straight left.  Comes in with a huge right uppercut and has Markes in trouble and is landing a ton of shots on the ground.  Big Elbow from the top.  Nice ground and pound.  Markes goes for an armbar and gets punched in the face.  Simpson stands up and lands a few kicks to the butt as the ref stands them up.  Markes is trying to end the fight with huge swings that miss and Simpson ties him up as the round ends. 

10-9 Simpson

Round 2- Simpson having success with the upppercut.  Shoots for the takedown and ties Markes up against the fence.  The fighters clinch for a long time.  Markes works the takedown and is on top.  Great position to be in considering that not much has happened this round.  The crowd is booing because Markes isn’t doing too much, but the ref really can’t stand them up int his position.  Markes is not doing much damage as Simpson gets back to his feet.  Simpson lands a knee. 

I think Markes took that one with the takedown.  10-9.  You can see the flaw in the scoring system right there.  Simpson blew Markes out in the first round with a big right hand, but in my book did not do enough to get a 10-8 round, although the judges seem to be giving out a lot of 10-8s tonight, judging from the Dillashaw win. We’ll see what happens, but I think this fight is tied on the cards. 

Round 3- Simpson comes in with another uppercut, but it doesn’t land cleanly.  Markes throws a right, but the punch looked awkward and didn’t do shit.  I think that Simpson should stand and trade with Markes.  He’s a big strong guy, but I don’t think there’s a lot of pop in his punches.  Markes pushes Simpson against the cage and doesn’t do shit, I would like to see the judge break them in this close fight and he does.  Simpson lands some bodyshots.  Markes throws a weak leg kick.  More clinching.  Markes is pushing Simpson against the fence and not doing shit.  Some foot stomps.  This fight stinks.  Ref should break them up again and he does.  Simpson comes in and is swinging for the fences.  Markes lands a knee.  Simpson shoots for the takedown, but Markes defends.  Simpson looks like he landed a big right, but fell down.  Markes has his bag and again isn’t doing shit.  Markes is trying to score a takedown as the round ends and gets it.  Simpson gets up. 

10-9 Markes.  Tough one to score.  This was like lay and pray on the feet.  Simpson is the only one who did any damage whatsoever in the first round, but Markes spent a great deal of the second and third rounds in control of the fight.  I think Simpson could fight again tomorrow.  Markes didn’t do shit other than push him around the ring and get a takedown.

Tough fight to score.

29-28 Markes x2 29-28 Simpson for one.  I think that’s the right result given the current state of the rules, but Markes didn’t do any damage in the third, just pushed the smaller Simpson against the cage and got a worthless takedown that probably won him the fight.  This is the sort of fight that makes people hate MMA.  We need a new scoring system. 

Stipe Miocic vs. Phil De Fries

Round 1- De Fries lands a big right.  Throwing bombs.  Both fighters have no defense whatsoever.  Miocic lands three straight rights that are almost totally undefended.  De Fries goes down and is out. That was nice and fast.

Stipe Miocic by KO.

TJ Dillashaw vs. Walel Watson

Round 1-Dillashaw goes for the superman punch into a takedown attempt.  Working for the takedown, gets the double leg, but Watson pops back up.  Dillashaw puts him on his ass again into Walel’s guard.  Dillashaw lands some shots and gets Watson’s back as he tries to stand up..  Dillashaw sinks in the rear naked choke, but it looks too high and Watson is defending, trying to turn around.  Dillashaw in half guard, landing shots.  Watson tries to get up and Dillashaw gets his back again and sinks in a deep rear naked choke, but Watson grabbed his hand and defended, turning around.  Now Dillashaw has a full mount.  Dillashaw has another choke on and it is hard to see what is going on, but it looks like it is on the chin.  He lets it go and goes back to punching Watson.  Dillashaw is landing some heavy shots from the top position as the round ends.  Wow. 

Round 2- Dillashaw with a big right.  They scramble and Dillashaw is on top again.  Elbowing the head.  Watson is taking a motherfucking beating, not really defending and taking repeated shots to the head.  Dillashaw gets back on Watson’s back, Watson flips over and is eating a ton of shots.  They need to end this.  Dillashaw has a full mount with two minutes left and Watson is not doing much.  Dillashaw goes for another choke and Watson gets out of it.  Dillashaw continues to rain down blows.  Can’t believe Watson isn’t bleeding.  Dillashaw goes for another rear naked choke, but gives up and back to the punching again.  He must have landed over a hundred hard head shots from the top by now.  I’ll be amazed if Watson comes out for the third.  This is a brutal beating Watson is taking. 

Round 3- Watson goes for a slow flying knee.  He is still trying to win this fight, he needs to keep it from going to the ground again.  Dillashaw lands a big right.  Watson is not able to use his reach advantage so far at all.  Dillashaw throws another right and goes for a takedown.  It’s on the ground, Watson has Dillashaw’s head, but isn’t in position to sink a choke.  Watson is able to get up.  Dillashaw eats a slow knee as he comes in.  Dillashaw goes in for an uppercut and looks like he got caught.  He shoots and falls into a triangle into an armbar, but Dillashaw rolls out of it.  Now Watson is going for a knee bar, but Dillashaw gets back on top.  Dillashaw gets another choke attempt in, but Watson defends.  TJ lands a few more shots from the full mount as the round ends. 

Dillashaw won that one.  The only question is going to be how many 10-8 rounds he got.  Dillashaw landed 172 shots.  Jeez.  More than ten a minute. 

30-25, 30-25 and 30-26 for Dillashaw. 

Ivan “Mangina” Menjivar vs. John “Prince” Albert

UFC is putting on a full card of fighting on a Wednesday night on a non-HD channel that not everyone has.  If you predicted that Fox does not know what the fuck to do with this property, you’d be right.  They started off poorly by having an hour-long special for a 1 minute fight, then their next show they broadcast a fucking snoozefest of fights after a stellar undercard.  So here I am watching cagefighting on a Wednesday night and I can’t even get hammered because I have a long conference call tomorrow morning.  This shit is three hours long, so be prepared for about 2 hours and forty-five minutes of commercials for whatever terrible shit the clowns at Fox think MMA fans like, so far motorcycles, Scions and invention services.  John “Prince” Albert (I didn’t make that one up, honest) is an expert in Cowboy Karate.  Generally when a guy is an expert in some bullshit form of fighting, he doesn’t have a fucking clue, but maybe Mr. Albert has invented some ultra-effective form of martial arts for dealing with cattle rustlers.   

Round 1- Fighters swinging for the fences, no Condit cowardice from Greg Jackson’s fighter.  Menjivar works a takedown, but finds his arm trapped in between the cowboy’s leg, but gets out and lands some shots from the top.  Albert is going for another armbar, switching to a triangle, but Manjivar goes for a leg lock while Albert goes for a heel hook.  Menjivar wisely decides to kick Albert in the ribs as he stands up.  Albert lands a left kick to the face and Manjivar is fucked up and not putting up much defense.  Albert goes for a guillotine, but loses it immediately, goes for some sort of arm lock, and then Menjivar gets his back and looks for a rear naked that is deep.  No way he is getting out of that one.  Menjivar by rear naked choke.  Albert really needs to work on his submissions, he had Menjivar in trouble a few times, but didn’t ever have the ability to finish.